Thursday, November 10, 2011

Holiday is nice. Getting the pay is nicer! * especially with the bonus coming up*

I just realized that I actually enjoyed this unwanted, long holiday after I spent two nights staying up late to finish two novels ( ah, 1 am is never too late for me. The night has just started, babe! Urgh, why did I sang this line mentally when I dislike people using 'Babeee'? Now, I feel lousy. But, the line is so catchy and the impression it  has stayed on my subconscious mind... ) There, there. Now I has started this internal rambling again. Lucky it has not become a habit to mumble to myself in public ( soliloquy, said Madam Janet. I first had an encounter with this word in Macbeth's class during our foundation years and I had a love-hate relationship with  it since then. Who wouldn't, especially when one had to endure a 3-hours-class every week just to keep on hearing the same word being repeated again n again and to discuss the text for three months?) I am still amazed at Madam Janet's patience to deal with us especially the shameless me who sat at the front line and was in and out of conscious mind during her class. In other word, sleeeeping. 

One good thing about this long holiday is I get to defroze my frozen state of mind due to the heaviness and rigidness of academic life. Academic exercise or AE really sucked the life out of me, literally. Until now, I cannot read any book or take a look at any article without actually start to check on the references and arguments. My recent break-up made things worse. I had to deal with my broken mind and heart. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me strength and sorting out the house is a really good theraphy. Perhaps I'll write on it in another entry if I have enough courage to smile at the past.

Oh, actually there are two good things about this long holiday. The other one is I learn to ramble in my writing; to reclaim my old self and my passion on writing. When I was 9 years old, I wrote my own syair. My one and only syair. Although it disappeared years ago, I still remember how I used my umi's old typewriter to write 'sajak', 'cerpen' and any other literature form the little me was inspired to. One day, I shall try my hand back on  Mr Typewriter. Just you wait.

Still, money issue is here. I envy my fellow friends who are now working and being paid. Even more to my friends who are getting engaged or counting the days to get married. Not that I'm desperate to become a wife. For me, engagement and marriage means a lot of money involved, apart from the upcoming responsibilities. Having money means you have the freedom and power to do whatever you want and to proceed with your plan in life. However, I'm thankful that rezeki is always with me (tidak putus) as there is always source of income no matter how little the payment is and things are easier for me ( tidak rasa sesak walaupun dalam kesempitan dan urusan sentiasa dipermudahkan). 

Soon, the bonus will be in. Sabar Salwa, soon it will be your turn ( * next year* flashing a not -so- white devilish grin my mind, ngeeeee ... ). 

Wednesday, September 21, 2011


My belief  that I can consume almost any food was shattered last Raya just because of an innocent incident. We  ran out of Milo and it is a big no-no to serve Sarsi or Orange cordial  for breakfast. Rummaging through the cupboard, I spotted  a small packet of  'kopi timbang' and I decided to use it. Well, as expected, only the grown-ups drank it except for a few adventurous children.

I was tempted to try as I rarely drink 'kopi timbang' and it has been ages since I had coffee. If I was not mistaken, I finished two or three medium sized glasses in one shot. The 'kopi' was okay and I was about to pour another glass when I thought of my sugar intake.Little did I know that my tryout on 'kopi timbang' will turn out to be a nightmare. I had headache, nausea and blurred eyesight. Only after taking a nap, I was back to my old self again.

My, my. Kupi oh kupi..

Friday, January 07, 2011

New Year 2011


Finally I'm back... 

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Gubra Vs Berbagi Suami


Yesterday, I went to PKNS with two intentions. First, I wanted to post two parcels to Sabah , which was done smoothly with extra information. I asked the lady-behind-the glass wall ( counter - lady ) the difference between Pos Laju and Pos Biasa and how much the cost for each one of them. So, now I got the needed info, time to plan for the hassle at the end of this sem.

Second, I went to every CD shop in PKNS and SACC and finally I settled with Video EZY shop in SACC. For the past few weeks, I was working on movie selection for Asian Literature assignment ; we are required to pick any Asian-issue-based movie and do a critical analysis on it. I tried to get some idea by browsing through  and other sites ; trying to figure out any potential one. I found several movies in which have some sort of personal connection with me. Most of them are movies in which I was attracted few years ago but had no chance to pursue them. For example , The Red Kebaya.
Then, I decided to try traditional method ; walk-in-the shop-and-pick anthing desirable. This is time consuming but I really love it. I'm a type of person who loves window shopping especially in bookshop and cd shop. Again, I encountered many other films , unexpected actually. They are Ghazal Untuk Rabiah, Cinta si Penggali Kubur, Sepet, Mukhsin, Gubra, Berbagi Suami, Talentime, Perempuan, Isteri dan... and also P.Ramlee's movies. I was torn between Musang Berjanggut, Gubra and Berbagi Suami. Even though I don't have any specific issues yet, but I was thinking on feminism or how the female are portrayed in the films. Perhaps women empowerment? Before this, I found a site, or more correctly, a paper on feminism in Embun and Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam. However, that would be plagiarism right.. So, I better use the same idea ; feminism , changed a little bit and use different movie. 

It is hard to find a contemporary movie which has strong message or should I say, sensible issues with reasonable plot @ storyline and good actors. Most of our movies are very , very much western-wannabe in many aspects ; clothing, make up, body language up to the way the actors talk. Tsk, tsk.. Lets try this, why dont you ( anyone, readers ?) sit and watch any Malay movie and focus on the dialogue. Look at how they spit out the lines , the way they convey the intended message. Literally, through ear, you hear Malay , but in your mind , you will hear English being spoken. Just try. What I mean is, the scriptwriter wrote the dialogue according to English sentence pattern, and the dialogue is in Malay. Not only that, the way the actors react or bring out their characters are very much according to how Western actors did it in the same situation. I only got exposed to this 'phenomena' by Mdm Azura in Asian Literature class and I did try it out, its true!! No  wonder I hate to watch most Malaysian dramas and films. Not only the issues are very lapuk and degrading, but the whole thing is very unnatural because they are acting in Western shoes, not doing it just how we do it everyday in real life situation. How are we supposed to get immersed in the story if everything is plastic and not flesh-and-blood?

Ehem, back to the topic, I had just finished watching Gubra. I already watched Berbagi Suami last night. Still in dilemma, which one should I choose. If the benchmark is on message, I'll say Berbagi Suami gives off stronger message than the other one. But, we'll see ...

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A Toad In Cemara Block 3/ 203

Today I spent more than 3 hours in INTEC Library from approximately 2.30pm till 6.15pm ( I knew because I looked at my Nokia ). Brrr... I feel like going down with a cold. If I stay inside for the same length of time for three days consecutively , for sure I'll fall sick. This is based on experience, mind you. Even though I'm a native of highland, I'm weak against articial cool temperature including fan and aircond.. But, at the same time, I'm hopeless against hot weather. What a conflicting body! As I'm very sensitive towards weather change, cold to hot and so on.. I proudly call myself a toad..

At first, I planned to read magazines. In fact, I already piled them up on the desk. But, a friend of mine came and asked about the assignment for Classroom Management. So, I abandoned the whole stack ( sorry guys.. later..) and moved to the journals section. And, there, I became so engrossed in piling another stack of thick, hard covered journals, in hope to acquire enough papers for two subjects. Very ambitious of me, tsk tsk... After that, I skimmed and scanned each of them until my neck was stiff enough to cause headache , went to photocophy machine and left the place with another new thick a bunch of papers.

After Maghrib, I went to Rozie's Tailor to send in another two new fabrics and to collect my new 'baju kurung'. Apparently, the 'makcik' is down with flu@cold ( either way) and she was literally lying on the floor when I came in. I hope we are not in the same boat, 'makcik'. I can't afford to fall sick now. It takes ages for me to recover..

When I waited at Che Mat's for my dinner, I feel miserable and uncomfortable.. The occasionally flashes of lightning made me cowered and I chanted prayers non-stop.. I'm very, very afraid of thunder..

Now, at home, I can feel the tension mounting high starting from my neck and running up to my head. . I feel cold inside.. Yet, I'm sweating on the outside..

This toad needs to sleep early today, I guess..

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Asian Literature : Asian scenario vs personal scenario

Today is tuesday..
Tomorrow is wednesday..
And we will have our Asian Literature class tomorrow..
This is the only class for this sem in which I have constant trouble and worry whenever any group work was announced..
Why? Because, I don't have regular 'geng' @ group member...
After some time of self-debating and unsuccessful attempt in finding any available group, I decided to join Fiqah's group , thanks guys.. huhu.. really appreciate it..

Perhaps I shouldn't feel bothered by this issue at all..
But, I do take it to heart seriously!!
I spent the first two weeks at the beginning of the semester to console myself, to persuade myself, to remind myself, to square my shoulder and brace myself..
That this situation is normal and common..
It didn't happen to me alone..
Allah has His plan why I went through these ordeals..

Maybe this happen to me because I wasn't with friends from IP Gaya or IPKB.. ( oh, there is nabil inside the class as well)
In fact, I travelled alone this sem..
As a result, I'm paired with a lot of people from Counselling minor, IPKB and mainstream students as well..
Looking from the brighter side of it, I'll get to know new people.. Broaden my social circle.. Sharpen my survival skills.. The sweetest of all, I'm under the core person for most of my classess this sem.. I need to learn more knowledge before going back to Gaya..

It is not easy to be alone..
To break free from your comfort zone..
It is painful to win someone's heart...
It is also lonely, just to look afar at them ( those 'friends')..
I hate it when people ask me ' Sorang je' ?
It make me self-conscious and set me in confusion..
Are you sincere? Or do you want to confirm what is in your mind?
How should I answer that question?

I wont cry or let the current wash me away
Sooner or later, in future, I will face the same issue
I can only pray to Allah never to leave my side and put me under His protection
I believe, there bound to be someone who will help me.. Things will be sorted as time goes by..
Thats why, I must stay positive.. and never forget to be kind to others..
Because, how can you expect others to be nice, kind and helpful to you when you're not?

p/s : perhaps I'm going to attend 'Majlis Amanat Dekan' this Thursday.. This will be my last time..

Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Truth of Doing Laundry

The smell of 'Kao Attack'
The warmth of the newly-awaken sun
The soft breeze from nowhere
The sound of the engines outside the hostel
Such a typical scene
To do morning laundry.
As I hung each cloth on the line
I turned the inner side
Just like discovering the truth among the garments
I found my way inside
Through the pile of damp clothes
It is wet, unsorted, overlapping each other
Just like what happened yesterday.
When the sun show himself fully
When the wind blows strongly
And the laundry has dried
Just like that
As time goes by
The task will be completed by himself
So do what happened yesterday
It'll settled somehow..